Cool tune – even cooler dancing!
Archive for November, 2008
Today I Are Mostly…..Doing Sod All
Wil and I took a flexi day off work today.
We:
Got dressed late.
Sat in the living room drinking coffee, chatting and watching the trees blow about in the garden.
Hung a door on our bedroom. A job that’s waited over a year to be done.
Fixed the thermostat for the underfloor heating in the lobby.
Sat and ate homemade American pancakes and maple syrup.
Played on the Xbox and the Wii.
And tried like hell to get past level 19 on ‘Splitter’. Give it a try and see if you get as addicted as I have been all afternoon! (click the pic)
Revenge – A Dish Best Served After 4 Months
Remember this post ? More to the point, remember the bloke who made that horrid jokey comment about my wart remover and appearing to thieve ‘Katie Price’ brand underwear from Asda? Read on…
I popped into Asda today after work to pick up a loaf of bread. I did that annoying thing of walking in with intentions of ONLY needing a loaf of bread but finding myself walking out with a tub of prawn coleslaw, a bag of Quinoa, 2 boxes of mushrooms, some Parmesan cheese and a packet of fresh parsley…. as you do. Considering my intentional purchase of nothing other than a loaf of bread I didn’t get a trolley or a basket and instead did a balancing act all the way to the till to check out, dumping my arm full of food items on to the belt like it was a pile of dirty laundry.
And that’s when I saw him standing there in line ahead of me wearing a long black coat in which his hands remained buried in his pockets. It was clear we recognised each other by the double take. It was clear that he was suddenly uncomfortable by my arrival in the same queue. And that’s when I glanced down at his purchase neatly compartmentalised on the conveyor with two bright green Asda dividers separating his purchase from the people on either side of him.
I smiled as I leaned forward to grab a divider to place behind my food items. And it was all I had to do to get even. Because it doesn’t matter if you’re 4 months, 6 months or 6 years waiting for what went around to come back around it’s going to be equally as shit when the girl you cracked a joke at about buying wart remover finds you at the check out with SIX CANS OF AIR FRESHENER.
How hard was it not to make a pun about ‘clearing the air’?
Very.
Things That Are Not Conducive To A Good 5 Mile Cross Country Race
Waiting to start... wondering if my trousers are going to stay up
Being stood facing into the breeze at the speedway track the evening before watching banger racing when 60 bangers start racing round smashing bits off each other, burning up tyres and kicking up so much dust that you stand for 2 minutes wondering if you still have eyes positioned in your face. Turns out I did but they were filled up with particles of black crap that has taken a day to work it’s way out leaving black streaks from the corners of my eyes to the bottom of my cheeks, not unlike a Cheetah.
Breathing in the petrolly exhaust fumes from said bangers for 5 hours. Lungs like a miner you say?
Standing up on concrete steps because the 4 million other people there decided ‘WHY SIT DOWN?’. Obviously viewing position is different for the World Series Final Banger Racing than it is for Bank Holiday Bangers and Demolition Derby. 5 hours stood in cold weather on cold concrete is rubbish on legs. Especially legs that need to run the following day.
Eating only 2 bits of toast, a bowl of Ready Brek and a polystyrene tray of the best chips the banger racing vendors have to offer, for my entire caloric intake all day.
Bed at 23:00. I’m rubbish if I go to bed at 10:15, let alone 45 minutes later. Awoke at 07:00 feeling lethargic.
Eating too early this morning. By the time I got to the race venue I was starving again.
Not taking a flask of tea – Pre race cuppa always seems to go down quite well.
Using new insoles inside my shoes which I had not done a trial run in. Did my high arches the world of good but following the advice on the packet of removing the insoles already in the shoes before inserting the new ones would have been kinder on my poor toes which were now crammed in half of the space they’d had previously. Guess I deserve all 5 blisters now stinging at the end of my toes for that school boy error.
Rabbit Warrens – you fuckers. By the 2nd from last lap (I think there were 4 or 5 laps in total) I’d rolled my left foot twice badly in holes dug by rabbits and was left limping from the pain for 2 more laps. As far as I have read with regards to pain while running – you can run through pains that do not cause you to run differently. Unfortunately this one did and stubbornly trying to ignore it for the final 2 laps only served to give me knee pain in the same leg and a hellishly sore hamstring leading up into my right arse cheek. Still I made it dragging what felt like a 4 ton arse and concrete legs across the finish line with me. In opposites to my eyes – Very much unlike a cheetah.
Mr Scruff – The Music Takes Me Up
If you don’t own any Mr Scuff in your music collection then I’m questioning if it’s really a music collection. Yes, I am that opinionated. Anyone who can put such a great track to such a terribly awesome video is a winner in my book. I asked Cameron to watch it and his response?
“JESUS only 5p for melons?”
Honda Zoomer iGoogle Theme
This blog gets a lot of hits on a daily basis having arrived via a search for ‘Honda Zoomer’.
For those awesomely cool Zoomer/Ruckus owners/dreamers/potential owners, here’s a little goodie…
iGoogle’s FIRST EVER Honda Zoomer Theme created by Wes
Now go download it!… There are more designs in the pipelines.. right Wes? No pressure or anything!
I’ve Got What?
I bought this dress to wear to an upcoming Christmas party. Generally I don’t wear dresses or skirts this short because not having been born one of lifes tall, leggy long limbed people I’m never confident that my legs are up for the job.
Now I’m not saying I’m fat, I’m perfectly ok with my figure and my legs for that matter – it’s just that the cut, fit and length of clothes does not flatter everyone in the same way. Just below the knee length is the most flattering on me, not thigh skimming.
However, I have been doing a lot of running and cycling and feel that my legs have become a bit more toned lately, perhaps enough to distract from my ever crippled and partially swollen knees and I thought I’d order this dress and at least, give it a try! It’ll be dark anyway, right?
It arrived at my work and the girls were immediately excited to see the dress I’d described. Everyone seemed to like it. I took it home and realised sat there at the computer wiping his nose on his sleeve would be my best critique. Cameron has not learnt how to say ‘no your bum looks great in that’. He is afterall my son and lacks the feintest sliver of tact in his body.
“Oohh what’s that” he enquired as I dumped the box on the kitchen counter.
“It’s my party dress” I smiled, lifting it out of the box by the shoulders. “What do you think?”
His nose screwed up and his eyes flicked to gauge my reaction to his…
“Have your friends at work bought you that to wear for a joke?”
Harsh, but fair considering. Several weeks ago my boss moved to another job. The 7 of us in the office took her out for the night and for daft reasons that I won’t bore you with – I ended up having to wear the most ridiculous green and white jersey top with a big polka dotted bow on the front made as a dress for a 4 year old that two girls from the office bought me at Asda. THAT, was a joke.
“No, it’s not a joke” I laughed
“Oh.. replied Cam… well it’s alright I suppose”
I decided perhaps he could better judge if I tried it on.
Standing in the kitchen with sock imprints around your pastey white ankles and 3 weeks of leg hair growth emerging like cactus spines from your skin while your 10 year old son makes a judgement on your newly purchased thigh high shift dress is perhaps to say, at the least, a sobering experience.
He studied every dyanamic of the dress from the shoulders down to the hem line and requested I turn around and then back again.
“Hmmm” he breathed out a large breath, “I think you need black tights with it”.
“Really?, ok… why’s that?”
“Well, there’s something funny”, ……………he paused………….. “there” and pointed at the hem line of the dress.
“Ok? What kind of funny?” I enquired
“Yeah, your knees” he replied
“What about them?” I asked
“I don’t know”
“You must know… are they too white, oddly shaped or so stunning that no one will be able to keep their eyes off them?”
“No”… He paused again apparently searching for just the right description
“No… they’re just too sort of…. fat”
“Too fat?”
“Yeah, yeah that’s what it is… you’ve got fat knees”
And with that he turned back to the monitor and continued watching a YouTube video on How To Create An Artex Ceiling Effect With Chewed Up Toilet Paper.
Brutal honesty I couldn’t have got anywhere else and despite it my fat knees clad in black tights, wearing my joke dress will be attending the party.
Fat X-Ray
Cameron was tucking into his Fish & Chips at the dinner table contemplating the label on the tomato sauce bottle when he asked…
“Do they have to turn the x-ray machine up to extra power to x-ray fat people?”
Head Conkers
Conkers are the stuff British Childhood used to be made of. Using the fallen nuts of Horse Chestnut trees or ‘conker trees’ we’d thread one onto a piece of string about a foot long and then, with your friend armed with his/her threaded conker you’d take turns. One of you would hold your conker at arms length dangling on the string whilst the other took a turn to smash it with his/her conker. You only took one hit whether you actually hit it or not and then it was the other persons turn. The loser was the person whose conker smashed first.
This evening Wil found a spare pulley for one of our ceiling fans laying in a box and with nothing better to do, started using Camerons head as a rival conker.
As previously seen in such stupidity as The Push Up Challenge, Wil Skipping and The Dry Cracker Challenge here’s Wil being a prat, Cameron taking the brunt of some sort of torture and me laughing and snorting my way through it all.
