Does this wall make my lorry look fat?
There is a little lane between my house and nearly every other place I ever need to go. This lane cuts about 2 or 3 miles off a journey into the main road that goes to the dual carriageway, superstore and my work. For this reason the narrow single track road is extremely popular with all other road users and equally unsuitable for large vehicles and lorries. There is even a sign at either end of the road that reads:
“SINGLE TRACK LANE WITH PASSING PLACES. NOT SUITABLE FOR HGV’S”
What does this mean?
It means that if you drive a massive 12 wheeler, double the height of a standard lorry, owned by SACKERS Recycling of Great Blakenham, Suffolk then it is perfectly OK for you to squeeze every other poor sod driving down that road sideways onto the mud embankment in order for you to barge your stupid oversized self through. What it also means is that by doing so you repeatedly hit branches from the trees forming a tunnel over the road making them loose, dangle precariously and then smash down in front of my car and on two occasions directly onto the bonnet of my car. Lucky for you there is no damage otherwise you’d have my angry ginger ass on your doorstep first thing tomorrow with a claim form in hand.
Nice to know that part of the environmental goodness you’re doing for the earth by recycling reuseable materials SACKERS, one of your complete NOUGHT drivers is undoing the good by smashing his way down a tiny country lane that would struggle to hold a horse and cart let alone an HGV.
Seems to me you need to start recycling driver training.
My Little Bruv completed his first race the other night, a 10k which he finished in 45:43 minutes – an impressive 7.5 minute mile. Since he lives on the other side of the country from me I wasn’t there to show support. However, if I had been there I’d have told him I was going out with my friends and that he couldn’t come with me – and then run off ahead of him. Because when he was 4 that shit used to make him run as fast as hell, although he used to cry his eyes out at the same time which probably wouldn’t look too sharp on a 30 year old man.
I love my Macbook and I’d take it over a shitty Windows machine any day. I’ve got a fairly new Windows PC at home that I rarely use in favour of my little white slab. However, the other night when my sleeve caught very slightly on the flat palm rest of my machine I looked down in horror to find I’d just fallen foul of the infamous 
This morning a puffy eyed Cameron wrapped in his bright yellow Sponge Bob Square Pants dressing gown came and piled next to me on my bed. He laid there for a short while, expelling his morning breath into my face, causing me to push my face subtly under the duvet. When I ran out of usable oxygen in the small area between my chest and the duvet I tried to get Cam to move by asking if it was his turn to make his lovely mother a cup of tea.
Wil returned home from Bracknell today and enquired as to why I bothered to only buy a 2 pinter of milk. I explained that I’d gone to work on my bike when I remembered we’d run out and very kindly one of the chaps at work had picked it up for me while they were out. In order to bring it home in my rucksack, I’d opted not to buy a 6 pinter, and that it was a good job I hadn’t because it left room in my bag for half a dozen eggs from the little farm shed selling free range eggs on my way home.
