Absolute Bastard

I’ve just spent the afternoon helping syphon 13 litres of petrol out of Wil’s Suzuki Bandit motorbike tank. He filled up at Morrisons this morning and by the time he got home his bike was about to self destruct. Smoke was pouring out of the exhaust and it was running hard on 2 or 3 cylinders.

After taking the carbs apart the decision was made to drain the entire system down and replace the fuel and that’s where I sat for the remainder of the afternoon. Kneeling at Wil’s feet while he held the tank I offered up can after can to the small trickling spout underneath the tank trying to catch it all. Repeatedly having it run down my arm and on to the floor and the fumes… jesus, the fumes. I swear after the 3rd can pink monkies started floating around the garage.

Each drip of fuel that hit the floor felt like losing a cup full of liquid gold – the sound of a cash register ‘cha-chinging’ echoed around the room.

The best bit is – it’s still not running properly, looks like more pink monkeys tomorrow then.



  1. Wil said

    I’d just like to point out that my finger was trapped in a butterfly valve at that point and i was trying to look manly in front of my mate without screaming like a girl. THATS why I look like pat butcher in that picture (sans earings)

  2. Wes said

    You know it’s funny. After eating a wonderful Curry, my digestive system acts the same and well you know, it takes a while to drain and the fumes! God the fumes!

  3. Joker said

    Pink monkeys… I think that’s a great approach for the next Exxon ad campaign.

  4. Auntie Christ said

    If he had a Honda Hornet, he wouldn’t have that problem. No the Bandit’s a good bike…ever sort it out?

    I was rebuilding the petcocks on an old beemer and it took 3 or 4 tries before they stopped leaking (I was using o-rings and seals from the plumbing supply shop, instead of genuine parts–MUCH cheaper.) I should have set the tank up on a couple of clean buckets but I stupidly mounted it back on the bike first time around. Gas EVERYWHERE!

  5. foxsden said

    Yes, Auntie Christ (great name by the way) That’ll be the Honda Hornet I suggested he not get rid of last year. Sore subject that! Last weekend he stripped the carbs down again and reset all the pilot screws and instead of giving them 3 turns as the manual said he set them to 4 turns and this seems to have got it running better. It’s now in the shop so they can give it the once over and make sure its running as it should be. Lesson: Don’t buy a bike off someone who’s let it stand for a year!

    Loving your plumbing supply ‘genuine’parts replacements! Made me laugh.

  6. Auntie Christ said

    Wow, I have clairvoyance! Wish I had a Deauville. Ah, money, or lack of….

    I was going to suggest an electrical problem…..bad plugs, or wires or coil if it was only running on a couple of cylinders, and his setting it to run rich would make you think it’s getting sorted out, but that wouldn’t ‘splain the smoke.

  7. foxsden said

    We think that the bad petrol he put in it just worsened an impending problem. He’d noticed there was a flat spot and that occasionally it’d be a bit lumpy. That shitty petrol seemed to finish her off! Once we got rid of the petrol from the system the smoke disappeared. We changed the plugs and checked the ht leads and coil packs too. We’ll know what the garage has to say tomorrow. I’ll be dropping by yours next time, you seem to have some bike knowledge up yer sleeve. Have you got a bike now?

  8. Auntie Christ said

    Did he ever check the lifter clearance?

    I have a 400 cc Burger scoot….I love it. Fuel injection is far superior to carbs (until something goes wrong). All I’ve done is change the oil and check fluids. I noticed all the stuff you added to your Ruckus….you just shoulda gone for the Big Ruckus!

  9. Foxsden said

    I’m not sure if he did check that or not.

    I LOVE Burgmans..(assuming thats what you’re talking about!) I tried to get Wil to get one instead of a bike but he’s not all about scooters like me.

    I can’t have a Big Ruckus – because they don’t sell them here and I can currently only ride up to a 50cc without doing my bike test. My Zoomer is fuel injection – I don’t think the American ones are.. superiority rules 🙂

  10. Auntie Christ said

    If he tried a Burgman or Majesty he’d love it. And they get much better mileage than a regular bike. I have a Givi top box and soft saddle bags (panniers) so with the under seat storage I can pack a weeks worth of clothes and go.

    Take the test — what are you waiting for? At least you’ll have more options.


  11. Wilhelmet said

    Problem is, I’d always feel like I was on the way to deliver pizza.

    I had a scooter once. All 250 cc’s of it. The rear wheel nut fell off at 80mph on the M25, snapped the swingarm and nearly killed me. Happy times….

  12. Auntie Christ said

    Yeah, that might sour me on scoots, too. I’ve had big touring bikes and 200cc naked bikes. Smaller is more fun for me right now…and cheaper. Although the Kawasaki Versys is starting to look pretty good to me.

  13. foxsden said

    Bike test over here costs $1000 to do – THAT’S why I haven’t bothered! But I’m in the process of selling my car so may use some of the money from that do go for it.

  14. foxsden said

    (Oh and the Cheeky bugger doesn’t mind the Pizza boy stylee when he’s zipping about on my Zoomer)…I feel a video coming on.

  15. Auntie Christ said

    $1000! That’s absurd. Don’t they want people to drive smaller fuel-efficient vehicles?

  16. foxsden said

    Yes and no.

    Yes because it makes us look like we’re doing our part towards climate change.
    No because it makes us much more efficient, therefore they’re getting less tax. Double edged sword.

    Also the instructors for driving and motorcycles are all private so they can charge what they like..

  17. Auntie Christ said

    Ah taxes, something like 65% of what you pay for petrol is taxes. But that’s what keeps Charles, William and Harry in those delightful plumed hats. Cheers!

  18. foxsden said

    I believe currently its something like 85% tax. We’re paying $9 or $10 per gallon either way. Which is why I love my 50cc engine so much, it makes me feel like I’m putting GOrdon Brown on a budget 🙂

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