It Was A Long Day

It seems these days I leave the barrage of questions that my son fires at me from the moment he wakes to the moment he leaves for the bus, to go to work where the barrage of questions pick up again. I find it quite unecessary that another adult need ask me so many question totally void of any value.

“If your shoes were covered in mud, why didn’t you take them off at the door?”
“Didn’t you check the weather forecast today?”
“Why not biking in today then?”
“What’s that you’re eating?”
“Got your bowl of gruel have you?”
“Even when it’s so warm outside?”
“That looks more like a fashion jacket than a proper motorbike jacket”
“Why are people doing things this way?”
“Why haven’t we got procedures for this?”
“Why did someone write this down wrongly?”
“2 apples in one day?…”you eat the core as well?”
“Why lighter cottage cheese instead of full fat?”
“Can you actually taste the pineapple bits in it?”
“So have you lost your chance to vote then”?
“Not on your scooter today then?”
“Oh stop preening, you look lovely. You’ll end up a bag of wrinkles anyway”

I gave up giving long winded explanations and answers to these questions and instead just shrug or grin sarcastically because really, shut the hell up. But in my head the answers unavoidably swirl around looking for an exit…

If I’d KNOWN my shoes had mud on them I WOULD have taken them off at the door, yes I checked the forecast – looks like it might rain, I guess I’ll get wet and I guess I’ll live to answer the next question which is no, I didn’t fancy it after I biked in the other 4 days of the week and racked up 40 miles. It’s porridge, lovely sweet hot steamy porridge, get used to it I eat it nearly every morning. YES even in the summer, and because it’s summer I’m wearing a thin leather fashion jacket to ride my SCOOTER on, I’d look a bit of a storm trooper wearing a full leather Valentino Rossi race suit wouldn’t I. Sometimes you just have to make the decision yourself because there are not written procedures for everything which answers your next question – if you don’t write it on their foreheads they will fuck it up. YES TWO, call the fruit police, that’s right I’m sat here with the stalk between my thumb and forefinger because I’m trying to grow an apple tree in my stomach. Because my boyfriend did the shopping and made the executive decision to buy low fat cheese and I happen to really like it – WITH the tasty pineapple bits. I thought I had but as it turns out no, because I was able to drop my postal vote in at the polling station.  Nope, heaven forbid I drove in, that’s right I also own a car, and yes thanks I do REALLY need it. If you lived 10 miles from the nearest shop, were the only driver in your family, had a kid to tote around, needed to go shopping and had a partner that worked 200 miles away taking the only other car with him you’d find only having a bicycle and a scooter a bit of a bind too. I don’t class checking my teeth for food and reapplying lip gloss after lunch ‘preening’ and you’re right end up with wrinkles IF YOU KEEP BUSTING MY BALLS.


1 Comment »

  1. Mrs BN said

    OH MY GAD – they sound AWESOME!!!

    You on the other hand sound a little het up … I prescribe a G&T 🙂


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