Carpet And Chickens

Wil’s Mum is selling her house and in the last couple of months she’s had a particular couple interested in it. They originally turned up to look around and brought their kids with them. Kids, Mum says, that were neither polite nor respectful of her home and belongings. She called Wil shortly after these people had left and gave him a long irate run down about how the kids had run around the rooms dragging their hands down the walls and their shoes on the carpets. Apparently they’d opened cupboard doors, walked in and about rooms eyeing up everything with a tape measure and really made themselves ‘intrusive’. Wil’s mum was incredulous but the best was yet to come when apparently the AWFUL MAN asked if she would be leaving the carpets, curtains or any white goods.

NO of course she wasn’t leaving anything behind, least of all those 30 year old velvet curtains with the sun faded edges or the Miele Dishwasher that took her 6 months to choose and deliberate over before it’s purchase. And definately, most DEFINATELY not her carpets. Those carpets that have only been privvy to the lightest sock covered footsteps and have never seen the sole of a shoe. The carpets that are so precious, no one has actually ever seen them since their lifetime has been covered by little bits of remnant carpet intrinsically placed in high wearing areas such as doorways, near the phone and the first few stairs to protect them from normal daily use. Something that Wil and I struggle to get our heads around because why be so concerned about the condition of something thats covered up for no one to see all the time anyway?

So she was gobsmacked, shocked, horrored and offended that the chap interested in her house was trying to agree some sort of deal to take her acres of 100% quality woven wool pile, rubber backed, dust, flesh and hair harbouring floor covering off her hands. Much the same way we were shocked and horrored but for slightly different reasons than she. To tell you how horrified she was about the ordeal, she lost sleep over it. She then wherreted on another 4 or 5 separate occasions about this man, this AWFUL MAN who bid her on her beloved carpets and white goods. She sat here in our living room like a mugging victim clutching a tissue and fighting back the tears about that awful day THAT DREADFUL, HEARTLESS, SPINELESS CREATURE OF A MAN BURST INTO HER HOME, PEELING COILS  OF WALLPAPER OFF THE WALLS  WITH HIS FINGERNAILS AS HE STOMPED DOWN THE CARPET OF THE HALLWAY WITH HIS MUD COVERED DOC MARTENS ON. Each time she told the story her face grew paler, her eyes wider and her eyebrows higher, just like Deadre Barlows on Corrie when Ken walks out upon learning she’s had another affair.

At the weekend we had to drag our sickly selves out of the house in aid of another poorly soul. One of our chickens, Wendy, had developed some sort of nasty sounding snotty sneezy cough. Each day it became worse and when I put her away on Friday night she was very wheezy in the quiet nest box of the henhouse. By Saturday morning Susan had started it too so it was clearly a spreading infection.

We took Wendy to the vet in a woven IKEA storgage container from which she made reassuring little clucks along the way. Once inside the vets room she was lifted out of the basket and placed on the table where she proceeded to get man handled by the vet. First her eyes, nose and beak were checked with a light. Then her wings, tail, backside and legs were all checked. Wendy was turned this way and that by the vet who handled her with a no fuss attitude, even when Wendy squarked and flapped in a bid to get away the vet simply placed a hand on each side of her and slid her back across the table.

Then she picked her up and before Wendy knew what was going on the vet plunged a needle full of antibiotics straight into her chest.

And if there was ever a comparison I could draw to describe the look on that chickens face it would be to turn to Wil’s mum and say

‘I’ve just shit…….

……..on your carpet’



  1. mrs hojo said

    I needed a good laugh thanks :o)


  2. Lindy said

    OMG! That was so descriptive that the movie reel just played in my head as I read it. Too too funny.

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