Pre-Teens: More Tiresome Than A 4.5Mile Run


This morning I woke early. I was meeting a friend to go running and I needed to eat before leaving the house and in plenty of time for it to go down before I set off.  Wishing Wil happy anniversary I left him to go make porridge and coffee before returning to bed with a tray full. Wil had now opened his eyes and partially sat up. We sat, drank, ate and exchanged cards and presents just in time for Cameron to barge in and lay on the bed between us and begin showing us the contents of his new pencil case. Following a detailed tour of every zipper, pocket, patch of velcro, pencil, pen, eraser, the smaller eraser, the bigger eraser, the eraser that was bigger but is now small because that’s the favourite eraser, pen, whiteboard marker, permanent marker, red biro, blue biro, compass, ruler……………………..We ooh’d and ahh’d in all the right places and then asked him to go get some breakfast. Except, he didn’t want any breakfast right now – not when there were 150 other identical items to explain in great detail one at a time.  Perhaps he was missing his show? – of course, it wasn’t on just yet. OK! How about just go find something to do rather than sit here staring at us like you’ve never seen two people who have just woken from a nights sleep!  Clearly this was far too interesting for him to miss a moments action. With that, I finished my tea and got dressed in my running gear.

My friend and I did 4.5 miles taking in country lanes and grassy bridleways. The wind was really beginning to gain strength in the open spaces causing small dust funnels to twist across the fields. Horses stood idly in paddocks watching us bounce past and dog walkers stood to the side of the narrow tracks to let us past. In places the wind blew so vigorously it nearly caused us to jog on the spot.

No run with M is complete without a good healthy dose of toilet talk. It’s become quite the norm for M to dart off into trees during a run to answer the call of nature and these visits are always followed up by a detailed analysis of why she’d needed to do that and what she could have eaten to cause it to strike right at that moment and what might have happened if she hadn’t paid a visit to the bushes. For most people this might be too much detail but being a great lifetime lover of toilet talk and humour I’d only feel like I was missing out on the perfect run if M didn’t treat me to a conversation about the life and times of the workings of her bowels.

I arrived home to an empty house feeling lively and fresh from the run. The boys had disappeared off into town to pick up some parts for Cam’s Radio Control Truck so I set about what turned into a day of baking and cooking.

Since Wil was going to be racing for 12 hours overnight I made a large box of Cadburys Chocolate and Pistachio Brownies, 2 tubs of cold pasta salad and a flask of Sweet Potato, Roasted Red Pepper and Ginger soup to take with him. If that man EVER brings up that I gave him shit about spending our anniversary being a dork in the woods all night – too right I did, but I’ve more than made up for it by packing him off with a feast fit for a king. That’s your future whinge rights – cancelled out Mr Wil.

Wil and Cameron arrived home clutching various items from the model shop and the bike shop. Cameron wasted no time in reactivating an argument I’d left behind earlier just before my run. He’d apparently planned to meet his girlfriend, her friend and her friend’s boyfriend (Cam’s mate) at the cinema for a foursome date. Plans he’d dealt me just a couple of hours before the event while I was on my way out. With a busy day ahead and no prior notice of the plans and not having had any time to decide if I was comfortable leaving him at the cinema with 3 other kids or even if he was allowed to be left at the cinema at his age it was something I couldn’t begin to consider today. That went down like a fart in a lift.

By the time I’d finished being a domestic goddess in the kitchen the battering from the wind on the early morning run was really beginning to wear on me with a wave of tiredness. I took a cup of tea and parked myself on the sofa for a moment. A moment that Cam took full advantage of to begin wailing on about an abscess on his gum next to a lingering baby tooth. Something I could be more sympathetic about if the next hour didn’t involve going around the houses with him about his lack of interest in caring for his teeth. Rather than take good advice about brushing and flossing etc he sat browsing the net to see if he could find something contrary to trump my advice with. My final word on the subject being that if he can’t be bothered to take care of his teeth I’m not interested in helping and he can eat the pus that thing eventually bursts out into his mouth.

The rest of the afternoon was blanketed with complaints and whining about everything – having fish for dinner, the wind blowing the Sky dish – ruining the signal, inability to fix his Radio Control truck.

I finished packing a cooler of food for Wil and punctuated each of Cam’s complaints with a visit to the remaining brownies which were threatening to give me instant heart disease by very virtue of their existence.

With the last of the jobs done, the kitchen cleared and 3 fish tanks cleaned I plonked on the sofa to curl up for a minute. Cam immediately began vying for a disagreement and shoving his truck around on the floor in frustration. I tried to help him fix it but he’d already dismantled it into billions of pieces and mixed all the screws up and the more I got involved the more he was inclined to leave me to it and turn his interest to the telly.

At some point I must have taken a long look at the clock. Cam asked what I was looking at and I told him I was looking to see how much longer I was going to have to suffer his rotten attitude this evening. He scowled and I left the room to eat another brownie.

For the record Brownies are not that nice when washed down with Gin but at this point I’m past caring.


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