Archive for April, 2010

Of 12 Year Olds And The Mile High Club

So Cam is playing ‘Just Cause 2’ on Xbox 360 and discovers the Mile High Club which is a platform suspended in the sky by a couple of massive airships, where he finds a strip club with two (thankfully bikini clad) girls dancing on stage around a pole.

At this point I’m all head in hand looking just like Gordon Brown when he hears the playback of himself calling a little old lady supporter ‘Bigoted’.. Got that picture? Yeah, that’s me right about this time.

Just at the point my brain is processing the fact he’s happy with it being ‘The Mile High Club’ purely because it’s a ‘club one mile above the ground’, he spins around on the chair and says ‘MUM check it out – watch me grabble hook the girls together’ and at the press of a button proceeds to fling some sort of spidey hook rope thing out of his avatars wrist which wraps around the girls and flings them both off the stage. He then sits there giggling hysterically at me.

Something somewhere here hints that I am probably not a great parent.


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The Pyromaniac’s Guide To Birthday Cake Candle Lighting

Some time ago after returning home to find a large burn mark in the middle of my new bathroom mat only to discover Cameron had been lighting candles in the house while we were out and accidently dropped one on the mat, I hid all the candles, lighters and matches in the house.

Unfortunately when it came to digging out the birthday candles and a method of lighting them I came a little unstuck because I couldn’t remember where I packed them all away to hide them from the boy.

Just when we thought he was going to have to pretend to blow out imaginary candles I managed to cobble together 10 pre-used cake candles (2 fewer than we needed) and the camping gas stove which has a self-contained ignition!

Of course I forgot one of the golden rules of using a camping gas canister


Just as the kitchen nearly goes up in a ball of angry sideways camping gas flames, the irony of what I’m doing suddenly sets in and herein lie the example of where that child got his firestarter ways.

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So I sent them the first email back at the end of March complaining the item I bought was fake and that I wanted the transaction cancelled.

They replied ‘we’re sorry you haven’t received your item’

Me: ‘No.. it’s not that I haven’t received it… I’ve found out it’s fake, I don’t want it’

Ebay: ‘You’re bound by the contract your winning bid places you under, there’s not much you can do’

Me: ‘hang on a minute, I’ve spoken to a previous winning bidder who, according to the good feedback she left, states she got her transaction cancelled by the seller (before she paid) after finding out the item was fake – the seller told her it was fake and agreed to cancel the bid. Then the idiot buyer left her good feedback making it look like an exchange of goods had happened and she was pleased with the item she bought. In the meantime the seller relisted the same item again and I won it. Now since the item is fake, the seller knows it’s fake she’s also knowingly listed it under the BRAND NAME which is wrong and contravenes with copyright. Would you like to sort this issue out or would you like me to contact *Super Huge Powerful Corporation* directly? Because I’m pretty sure they’d be quite hot on dealing with such a complaint since you’re allowing this breach of their copyright to continue on your website despite being informed about it.’

Ebay: ‘We’re sorry, we can not respond to your query because the email address you have emailed us from does not match the registered address for this user name. Please answer the following security questions so we can deal with your query – Date of birth, address, full name, email address registered with Ebay’

Me: ‘You are kidding me right? You’ve just answered two other emails I sent previously without worrying about my email address!? Right I’m registered with, I can’t help the fact that when Gmail transmit my email they change it to but surely you can make the correlation here right? Gmail/Googlemail SAME THING…

Ebay: ‘We’re sorry you have not received your item. Please wait for 3 days after the estimated delivery date to file a dispute in the resolution centre. Meanwhile you can get the contact details for the seller and we suggest you call them. Most disputes can be rectified quickly with a friendly phone call………’

So I request the sellers information and in return to ‘keep things *FAIR*’ Ebay give her my contact information and phone number. I call the seller but unsurprisingly find the number is not in use.

So, having sent 3 emails to the seller and found her profile on Facebook, thus confirming the email address and the fact that she’s out on the lash with the girls that night (glad I’m funding that) – I decide to wait it out until April 21st which is the 3rd day after the estimated delivery date, to file a claim.

In the meantime I sent an email to another seller that I bought something off that I was beginning to think was taking a long time to arrive – although, it was coming from the USA and we’d had Easter in the middle so I wasn’t too worried. The seller quickly responded confirming my thoughts about Easter delaying the post and said if I’d not heard anything by the 19th April to let her know and she’d chase it up. On Saturday the item arrived and I left her good feedback.

Then, yesterday April 19th I received an email from Ebay stating that due to a breach of Ebay listing policies an item (the fake one I’d been complaining about) had been removed from their listings. And that if I’d won and paid for this item – I was not legally bound due to the breach and that I could ask for a refund.

Excellent news I thought..maybe they finally took notice of my serious email threatening them with *Super Huge Powerful Corporation* and laid the smack down on the dodgy seller. I responded quickly by phoning Ebay on the number they’d given me previously and asked them to file the dispute with the seller to get my money back. Only while I was on the phone with the chap with a Scandinavian accent things once again seemed ridiculous.

Him: ‘So you would like to file a dispute for an item you haven’t received?’

Me: ‘No.. I would like to receive a refund for an item that was listed in breach of Ebay’s policies and that I am no longer obliged to pay for, but I’d already paid for it, therefore want my money back’

Him: ‘But have you received it?’

Me: ‘No, but I don’t want to receive it either. It’s a fake, I’d paid for it before I realised and now I’d like to get my money refunded as according to your Buyer Protection I qualify for protection’

Him: ‘Have you contacted the seller’ Me: ‘Yes, I contacted her now 4 times, no response. Tried calling her via the phone number I got from Ebay – it’s no longer in service. Ebay have clearly admitted the listing was wrong since they have removed it for breach of policies. I’d just like to get a refund please’

Him: ‘Ok, let me enter the details here. I can only put down that you haven’t received the item’

Me: ‘Right.. do whatever, as long as it results in my pocket being £370 better off’

He files the dispute and I get an email confirming the dispute has been filed – which I simply look at the subject heading and then flag to retain in my email inbox for follow up as I guess this won’t be a simple process.

This morning I have an email which I’m stunned to see the subject heading for: ‘EBAY – SELLER HAS RESPONDED’ As I begin to read the email I’m disheartened and angry at what I see – the seller apologises for my not receiving the item and has contacted her insurance company to rectify the problem that we’d spoken about via email. That she would get back to me as soon as she’s heard from them. And again apologises.

This would have been great stuff HAD IT NOT BEEN FROM THE WRONG BLOODY SELLER. Now the utter dipshits at Ebay had not only insisted on filing my dispute for the wrong reason, but filed it against the lovely lady I bought the other item off which I’d received on Saturday. She must have been utterly flabberghasted to receive that complaint! Of course I immediately emailed her apologising and copied her into an email to Ebay asking them to clear that complaint from her record and file it against the right seller.

The saga continues and I’m sure the next communication I receive from the idiots at Ebay will be something along the lines of ‘We’re sorry, despite the fact you’ve responded directly to an email we sent you, you’ve emailed us from an account that isn’t associated with your Ebay account’

Right I’m off to search Ebay for ‘Stupid Employees’ because they must be getting them from somewhere…

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Beko DRVS 62 W Tumble Dryer

This has to be possibly THE most boring thing I’ll have ever blogged about. But I’m so fucking frustrated by this gutless, underpowered piece of shit of a *dryer* (and I use that term loosely)  that I just can’t go on anymore without ranting it out to the rest of the world in the hopes that it’ll save at least one person from buying one.

This is what Beko have monikored a ‘sensor dryer’. Now you’d think that was a good thing right? A dryer that has a sensor that determines when your clothes are dry enough and then stops drying them, thus saving your clothes, your pocket on wasted electricity and of course, the environment. Only it isn’t. Because in the case of this dryer the point that it decides your clothes are satisfactorily ‘Ready To Wear’ is approximately 5 minutes from being removed from the washer and tumbled around its minature sized drum in a damp cold breeze. And during those 5 minutes the ‘Clean Filter’ light flashes and the ‘heat’ stops.

Fair enough you think – if there’s lint in the filter trap then it may affect the heat (why? I don’t know) but ok we’ll go with that. Well I’d go with it if it wasn’t for the fact that when you open the bastard filter you’d actually struggle to find enough fluff to pack your own belly button.

I’m failing to see the economy and savings of ‘sensor drying’ here because in past experience of using a dryer a full load of clothes including jeans and towels is generally dry in around an hour +/-. In the Beko DRVS 62 W the only thing you’ll have achieved in one hour will be to have opened the lint trap 19 times to remove 4 hairs, snatch angrily at the heap of damp clothes and then swear profusely that you’re going to invite the CEO of Beko to your kitchen to dare to wear the ‘Ready To Wear’ items currently sat in a puddle of humidity inside this hideous creation.

Fortunately ‘Ready To Wear’ is not the only setting available to not dry your clothes. There are also preset timings from 10 mins to whatever which, from what I understood from the manual you can use if you have clothes that just need a bit more drying off (say perhaps, if they’d just been brought in off the washing line not quite dry enough to put away or have just been rolling around on the ‘Ready To Wear’ setting of this dryer for the last 48 hours). Only, guess what – even that setting decides that soaking wet is dry enough and switches off after a few turns of the drum leaving the clothes tumbling about in cold air and the ‘Clean Filter’ light flashing.

You also have ‘Delicates’. I haven’t tried this setting as I can only imagine given my experience of the regular dryer setting, Beko’s interpretation of ‘Delicate treatment’ would not only ensure no heat reaches your clothes and that the clothes are not subjected to more than 0.1g of unsightly fluff sat in the lint trap but it probably prevents the drum from spinning giving an all round dry factor of ‘Festering Sour Clothes’. In fact this setting may as well be labelled ‘Storage’. A place for you to hide your clothes between the wash and the wear. Much like the dirty laundry basket is a place to contain your clothes between the wear and the wash.

In fact that’s all I can summarise out of this rant.

Beko DRVS 62 W – A great wet clothing storage receptacle with annoying beeps, flashing lights and large electric bill.

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Mines A G&T Please Gorgeous…

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